We believe nannies should feel supported not only in finding the right position, but in building the skills that help them succeed in their role. Recently, we hosted a free training for our nanny community with Dr. Ginny Schwager, founder of The Formator Institute, on communication, boundaries, and the real-life moments that shape nanny-family relationships.
Nanny work is deeply personal and highly professional. Even in strong nanny-family relationships, questions can come up around responsibilities, schedules, and a family or nanny’s changing needs. Our goal is a simple one: help nannies navigate these moments with clarity, professionalism, and confidence.
One of the most important takeaways from Dr. Ginny’s training was the most simple: healthy boundaries protect strong working relationships.
Setting boundaries as a nanny is not about being difficult. It is about learning how to advocate for yourself while still showing up as the thoughtful, flexible professional families trust.
Why Boundaries Matter in Nanny Jobs
The strongest nanny-family relationships are built on open communication, clear expectations and trust. When expectations are not discussed early on and regularly, even small adjustment can start to feel heavy. Over time, family needs change. Schedules shift. Duties may need to be added, adjusted, or removed. Children grow and need different support. All of this is all natural and to be expected, but it doesn’t make it easy.
Learning how to remain flexible and helpful while also communicating clearly about your role, time, and what’s sustainable is a skill. As Dr. Ginny clearly states, “A boundary is information. An ultimatum is a demand” – that distinction matters very much when you are working with a family. A boundary is a professional way to name what is happening, clarify what has changed, and encourage thoughtful conversation about how to move forward.
When handled thoughtfully, boundaries do not damage the nanny-family relationship – they help protect it.
What Does Job Scope Creep It Look Like in a Nanny Job?
Job creep is when a nanny’s role slowly expands beyond the original agreement without discussion, adjusted compensation or updated priorities. It’s a common challenge in many private homes, and it typically happens slowly over time. Your nanny employer asks you to “toss in a quick load” of their laundry, and the next week it’s two. Then, a few errands are added. Then, the dog that you love needs walked at the end of each day. Or, you were asked to stay 15-minutes later a few days last week, and now it’s an unspoken expectation.
In our experience, changes don’t come from bad intentions or employers looking to take advantage. Instead, it’s simple: families are busy, needs change, and nannies are naturally helpful. The issue is not flexibility – great nannies know flexibility is part of the job. Issues arise when the nanny’s role changes without a thoughtful conversation.
If you notice a pattern, address it promptly and professionally. Pause first. Look at the situation with a clear mind and open heart. Then, before resentment builds, ask for a time to talk. Choose a moment when the parent is not rushing out the door or managing a stressful transition.
As a nanny, you might say:
“I love working with your family, and I’m always happy to be helpful where I can. I wanted to check in because I’ve noticed my role has shifted a bit since I started. I’m now doing several loads of family laundry each week, running more errands, and often being asked to stay about 15-20 minutes past my end time.
I’m not upset. I want to help out, and I want to make sure we’re all on the same page. I’d like to talk about what duties I should prioritize during my regular hours, and whether myr role, schedule, or compensation needs to be adjusted? When would be a good time to talk?”
It’s not about being confrontational or aggressive. Remember you are on the same team: this is not you versus them. It is about open, professional communication so small changes do not become bigger frustrations.
Be Thoughtful About Timing
Hard conversations are made easier when the timing is thoughtful. If a parent is rushing out the door, visibly stressed, or distracted it’s probably not the best time to discuss anything sensitive.
Instead, pause and ask yourself: Am I calm enough to say this well? Is this the right time for my employer to hear me? Do I need to think about this overnight before I address this issue?
Sometimes the most professional thing you can say in the heat of the moment is: “I’d like to take a little time to think this through and follow up tomorrow. Does that work for you?”
Be Honest Without Creating Worry
Transparency is an important part of professionalism for nannies. It means communicating clearly and honestly, whether you are sharing how the day went, asking for clarification on a request, or discussing a concern.
It also means being thoughtful about how you communicate. Try not to say, “I have something really important to talk to you about later,” and then leaving them hanging. Most parents will immediately worry and assume (and begin planning) for the worst. Instead, keep your communication calm and clear:
“I’d love to revisit the household tasks you need to keep the home running smoothly, and clarify priorities. Do you have time after you get home this afternoon?”
Clear context builds trust. It helps parents prepare without feeling blindsided, and it helps nannies address concerns before they become bigger problems. Again, remember: you’re on the same team.
Be Empathetic and Still Set a Boundary
One of our favorite takeaways from Dr. Ginny’s training was this: “Compassion for someone’s experience and holding a limit are not in tension. They are the same move.” As a nanny, you can empathize with your employer’s situation while still being honest about what you can reasonably do.
For a nanny who is frustrated about being asked to stay late, it might look like:
“I understand your job has been really stressful lately. I’m happy I could help and I hope things are settling down a bit. I wanted to check in because staying late several days a week, without notice, is hard for me to sustain. Is this a temporary need or if it would make sense to adjust the schedule going forward?”
You do not have to choose between being understanding, and setting boundaries around your time, energy, and your duties. In fact, open communication and clear boundaries are what allow nanny-family relationships to remain respectful and sustainable long-term.
Nannies, You Don’t Have to Figure It Out Alone
Whether you are part of the broader nanny community or ABC placed you with a family, we believe nannies deserve guidance and support as they grow in their careers. The most successful placements happen when the nanny and the family feel happy, respected and supported. Household employment can be nuanced. Families have real needs, and nannies have real limits. Both matter to us.
We’re here to support strong, professional working relationships by leaning into industry standards and tapping into our 30+ years of experience. Whether you are navigating a hard conversation, changing expectations, or have questions about what is reasonable in your role, reach out to us. Asking for guidance is not complaining – it’s part of being a thoughtful professional.
For nannies we’ve placed, we will also check in several times throughout the first year to ensure the transition has been smooth and things are going well. These check-ins are a great time to chat about anything coming up: whether it’s positive, challenging, or simply something you want help thinking through.
When you bring empathy, good judgment, openness, and clear communication to your work, you are protecting your career and helping raise the standard for professional nanny care.
Discover the ABC Nannies difference. With over 30 years of proven success, ABC connects exceptional nannies and household staff with local families who value professionalism, reliability, and top-notch care.
- If you found this article useful, you might also enjoy this: Colorado Nanny Jobs: Why Not All Roles Are Equal (And How to Find a Better One)?
- If you’re a family looking to hire a nanny, we’d love to help. Complete our Family Application here.
- If you’re a candidate looking for your next position, apply here.
